"I will not say this one more time!" Lie. You'll say it 100 more times until your kids gets it, despite our message that actually contradicts that, we mean business. So knock it off, kid.
"It's not polite to talk about (or laugh at) how someone looks." Lie. I saw you, posting People Of Walmart on your Facebook page. I believe you even said LMAO. Look at you, talking about how someone looks....
"Sure, honey, maybe we can see how much that is or put it on your Christmas list." Lie. You'll never have Santa buy that. What you want to say is "Sorry, honey, I'll never buy that for you. $60, for Moon Sand, really? If you want sand, we already have a whole ton. It's called the backyard, go check it out."
"Just a minute, I'm doing something important." Lie. You're not doing anything important - Facebook is not important. Neither is Pinterest. Or Twitter. What you're thinking is that you wished he still took naps, because you're about two minutes away from a total meltdown - so please just give mommy five minutes to breathe or she's going to put herself in a time out to get a break.
"You've eaten that before and loved it! You just don't remember it. So please, just eat your vegetables." Lie. She did eat it before, and hated it. She almost induced vomiting at the dinner table trying to choke down the peas last time. Note to self, stop making peas...
"Don't worry about what other people have, you should just be grateful for what you have." Lie. Well, partial lie. You believe in, and are grateful for what you do have... but dang, it would have been SO awesome if you had a cute pair of suede boots like your friend wore the other day.
"If you don't stop right NOW, I'll give you something to cry about!" Lie. What will really happen is you'll leave the store, totally mortified by the screaming toddler wiggling out of your arms as you race for the exit. Later, you'll hide in the bathroom for five minutes, and just cry. By which time, he'll have totally forgotten what he was crying about earlier.
"I never would have done something like that at your age." Lie. Who are you trying to kid? You did way worse than that. Let's not revisit some of your high school stories, or bar scene days, shall we? We've really tried so hard to block that from memory and burn all associated photos. Thank God there wasn't FB then, right?
"You just wait until dad gets home..." Lie. Ahh, the classic threat, that as soon as daddy finds out what you've done, he'll be so enraged a mere look from him will make you quiver with remorse. Really, by the time daddy gets home she'll have completely forgotten what you're so angry about now. See earlier comment. And either the moment he steps into the house you'll announce that you're "done" and promptly leave the room for a few minutes. Or, you'll drudge on through the remainder of the day, and simply collapse onto the sofa the second your kids head hits their pillow at bedtime. There won't be any hell-fire moments when daddy gets home. Just pure exhaustion.
We are and might continue to be liars. Because really, what kind of example would you be setting if you told your kids, "Yes, honey, it's okay to laugh at People of Walmart when we're out. And we're totally going to take their picture and post it online so everyone can see how stupid they look." We'll spout the lies, and they'll believe them for a time. No, it's not cool to lie. There's no real justification for it. All we can do to try and fight it is to avoid it as much as possible and to put some truth in there. Go ahead and tell the kid its not polite to laugh at how someone looks, because it really isn't, but it's also OK to say that their choice in Santa slippers, paper thin tank top, and acid wash jeans did look a little silly - but we don't want to hurt their feelings for it. See if we can cut down on the lies, one at a time, or catch yourself before one slips. Maybe, maybe, then we'll be able to break this cycle and be rock star parents. Now go on, enjoy the rest of your day, you big fat liar ; )